New?

I don't even know what to think about the new year. I just feel blah. Of course I have hopes for 2009. I hope for safety, health, good old fashioned family time, smiles and laughter, finances stay afloat-pretty much the usual. I AM without a doubt grateful for all that I do have with family as numero uno. But I just can't get all excited and bubbly about 2009, yet. Someone asked me what my resolution was. I have not had one in years. Do not have one now. I suppose I should eat better (and by that I mean eat more than once a day-it's that typical mom thing of "oh my its 3:00 and I have fed everyone but myself...but wait, I did have some coffee!"). I KNOW I should drink more (not wine, sillies) water. But that is as good as it gets. I want to get excited. I really do. But not yet. It is hard to. I am in a state of anxiety and holiday exhaustion and a lack of any sort of normal routine for the past 2 weeks. With work beginning on Monday I just don't know what to wrap my brain around. Don't know where to start in order to prepare.

• The house is a mess.
• The kids are out of whack. Still have colds.
• I want things to be right for MamaC when she babysitts and that takes preparation on my part. Back to writing out instructions, menus and notes of all kinds bc I am a freak like that. And laying out daily attire for the kids.
• And things not being in their place bc everything has a place in my mind. I make sure of it all day long. It just makes life easier. Makes ME feel better.
• I don't know what to expect to walk into on Monday. What will the classroom be like? I feel like I kinda forgot how to be a teacher. Will I even be good at it? Will there be room for me to squeeze into the routines they have HAD to establish since my absence? Will I have enought time to get to know the kids again before report cards slap me in the face?
• Drowing in a sea of laundry.
• And of course we have something to do every day til "D day". I cannot even catch my breath with the thought of all this crap.

I know as soon as I get through even half the week I can concentrate on setting up a scheduled routine again for all of us. But til then these 6 am wake ups are gonna be an adjustment in itself. The boys have been sleeping til 8 or 9 am for 2 months. I am gonna practice waking up at this time all weekend just to see if my getting ready wakes them up. If so, my morning get ready routine is interrupted by a feeding or potty break or whatever the case. Will this then affect Grayson's eating n sleeping schedule? So much to think about and worry about. Feeling very overwhelmed. And don't even get me started on how much I am gonna miss my boys. So, until it all seems to make some kind of sense I cannot even approach the "newer" hopes and expectations for 2009. I really want to. I know they exist deep down. I feel like I cannot reach them. It is as if they are in the distance, blurry and waiting to be scooped up. But I can't go there just yet. Talk to me a in a week or two. When I have it figured out I will get it all down. Til then I guess I will just work on survival strategies. That is the only solution I can think of at the moment...