Oh my!

This week has by far been THE MOST trying week as a mother of two. Between colds and Christmas preparations and getting things sorted out for work, I am spent! The week started out great with 2 wonderful birthday celebrations for T. Then Tuesday hit and I knew a cold was abrewin' in him. Luckily it is JUST a cold and no more than that. But that doesn't mean he was any less cooperative or whiney. Every part of his morning he claimed unable to do on his own. "I can't drink my milk by myself!", "I can't wash my hands by myself!" OR it was consistent arguments between he and I. Over the stupidest little things but bc of his mood (and my lack of patience) we had it out several times. It is clear to me that when kids are sick they lose clarity. The kind of clarity that is staring them right in the face and they can't quite grasp. So many of these little disagreements stemmed from him not "seeing" or being able to "fix" what he typically can all on his own! "The _____ is right in front of you, Triston", "Get dressed, Triston". It definitely got tiring after a short period of time. All the while telling myself that he is sick, his head in a fog and to remember how I feel when I am not 100% on my game.
Second situation to the week-figuring out Grayson's yucky gas.
Thirdly, add all that to the junk that joined the CRAP train while I tried to figure out insurance issues and get reinstated to go back to work on Jan. 5th. Along with the need to get Grayson's birth certificate in by Jan. 10th or he would not be claimed as a dependent. I was back and forth to the Cook County courthouse twice this week. After 2 hours of phone calls on Tuesday I was told there was no way that I would receive his birth certificate by January 10th. That really scared me! So I made other phone calls to HR and was told to get a statement from the court indicating that I would not receive the papers til after this date and that they have been ordered. According to HR this would then count as a "pending extensions of status". So, I did that (after arguing with the clerk to put something in writing after she sounded like a broked record with her classic sentence, "We don't write letters! Who told you to tell me to write a letter?!"). BUT, and here is the kicker, I need the birth certificate to go back to work. It is the proof that links a maternity leave. So it may arrive in 2-6 weeks. That puts a kink in our financial plans. It stresses me out. I won't lie. Of course, there is a part of me that wondered if the birth certificate would be available. Of course I wanted to stay home longer. But how was I to know that all October births of 2008 are not even in the system yet and the county is backed up more than ever at this point. Yes, my secret Xmas wish was to stay home one more week with the kids. But not like this. Not when it is out of my control. I don't want money to be tight. I don't want Charito to stress. I don't want Charito to be mad. I don't want to feel guilty about something that is obviously out of my control. But I do. I always do. I am always hard on myself. It is what I am good at. I feel really guilty. Miserable in fact. However, I will do what it takes to make the weeks til this paper arrives easier on our family. I do not want anything for Christmas. Never did. Whatever I do receive I will return. If the time with the boys is what it is supposed to be then I will trade those materialistic items in. As ironic as it sounds, sadly, deep down there is a part of me that wants to stay as happy as I am when I'm home with my boys. A happiness I cannot describe. It just, well...feels.