2010

As I searched for Christmas gifts for my hubby I found myself gravitating toward our year, our life, our memories. 2010 being an unforgettable one. I recalled last year's gift of a Willow Tree figurine titled Brothers. So fitting to the amazing friendship and bro-hood we watched unfold between T and G in 2009. G continues to look up to his big bro now more than ever it seems. I hit up Amazon for ideas. 6 figures later I could not turn back. Each one got me where it hurts. I needed them. And thus I followed that pull/need my mind and emotions were craving anytime any other gift came to me no matter who it was for. Something about symbolism, poetry and truth that I was unveiling inside myself, for myself. It was therapeutic in a way.

And so as Christmas ended and I looked over the photographs of the moments I just had to have and share I realized something. Through all those items I had portrayed the ups and downs of 2010. The first 6 mos, BC (before cancer), and the final 6 mos, Rollercoaster. Ever since I displayed those items, I find myself visiting them for a therapy break. Images of glee, graciousness, fear and pain all on a single shelf.

Here is my 2010 all summed up:

OUR FOREVER HAPPY PLACE

At different points in the year, since this March trip, each one of us Carpers (all the way down to lil G) has revealed this is our happy place. The excitement in T's voice when he recalls specific moments, G's face when he sees a Mickey Mouse or image of the castle in the beginning of a Disney movie is adorable.

And to be honest when I take a quickie filmstip version of memories for 2010 in my mind the main events are Disney, Caden, July 31st and weeks of chemo and "firsts" for Caden. Everything else is a blur.

We mentally place ourselves in front of that amazing castle at any given time, to escape. I will never forget this trip. It was such a happier time in our lives. When cancer was just a term given to those we knew, loved and prayed for and NOT our own child.

Hungry?

My 3 boys. Found these ornaments online-PERFECT! T has been fascinated with their nicknames this year and even comes up with silly ones for me. His latest-Egg. He truly is fond of the nicknames and how they came about. I told him eggrolls were inside the chinese take out container bc I just couldn't find an eggroll ornament. But once I stumbled upon the rice I kept going. 2010 was the completion of my Perfect Asian FISH combo- MY EGGROLL, SUSHI AND RICE.

"FRAGILE"

Triston received this as a gift from Grampa. He adores it. His "fragile dinosaur" is too amazing to place in his room and rests on our buffet "so everyone can see it". I saw this change in his play interests, things that are important to him. He respected the fragility of items and how he prioritized them in his life. The mature meaning behind the giver of the gift. My 5 yr old cherished those feelings and felt they deserved their own special place. What a wise mind. The infamous "fragile dinosaur" means alot to me, too. Without a dubt it reminds me of my dad and all the daddy objects I received growing up. Each with symbolism attached to it. But this dino reminds me of how fragile life is. How fragile moments can be. How quickly they are crushed. Unrecoverable. Unable to be mended? And yet, somehow a handful of moments drive us elsewhere...and often we don't even know where we are off to until we arrive there.

FATHER AND SON

Charito has always been close with his boys but this year marked a transformation between he and Triston. Triston's age, natural progression of maturity and big boy interests brought on so much change in the aspect of role model. He looked up to his daddy for so much more this year and Charito took it on so wonderfully. The bond grew even tighter the last few mos. of the year. They depended on each other when I was not around. Who could ask for a better daddy?

MOTHER AND SON

To Triston for Christmas from Mommy. He has been into delicate and "fragile" collectibles recently and I knew he would love this. He immediately commented it was he and I. My big boy, my first baby, first mama's boy. I just can't believe he is 5 years old. I want to hold him in that protective pose forever. I can't help but feel he will need the protection and encouragement the most of our three.

TENDERNESS

My eyes were glued to the moppet of hair on that precious child's head. It reminded me of all my boys. AND I hold them and nuzzle our noses or foreheads together just like that. That mommy-son moment of silence and love that rushes through every inch of my body when I need it most. I grab as many of these kind of nuzzles as often as I can in one day.

OUR GIFT

And who could forget the addition of our littlest Carper, Caden. I merely hold him in my arms and he instantly melts so much burden away. He is so peaceful and perfect. His arrival quickened the dreaded day, but for good reason. He IS Grayson's guardian angel and I truly believe he will be his calming peace as he grows older. G will need it.

THE CARPER CIRCUS IS IN TOWN

( and who knows when it's leaving!)

I have joked with Charito for mos now how our day to day feels like a 3 ring circus. Never knowing which ring to turn your eyes upon bc each one is so engaging and unpredictable. A scatterbrained attention span for any age. Both visually and auditory stimulating, yet overwhelming. Some enjoyable feats and others not so much. A real life circus. Santa chose these ornaments for daddy (the ringmaster) the CIRCUS sign, Triston (the boy who is gonna take it all in from ringside and above) Big Top pic frame, Grayson the Clown (dah), and Caden the Elephant (who is too cute to ignore). Seemed oh so fitting.

ANGEL OF HOPE

Each day, hope anew
A word I have whispered very often lately

When I read the description for this figurine I was taken back by its match to my initial reaction of it's beauty. A flicker of hope from a candle carrying so much weight within. And depending on your day, the height and brightness of that flame adjusts.

COURAGE

Bringing a triumphant spirit, inspiration and courage together

As soon as I saw this one I thought of G. Whenever he does something, any little task or mini mountain (in his world) he shrieks, "I did it! I did it!" And he will continue to do it...

that IS what 2011 holds for us. WE WILL CONTINUE TO DO IT!