Firsts

I remember Belmonte saying we could start solids for Caden at 4 mos. Before I knew it he was 5 mos and he hadnt had a lick of real food. Can't imagine how that slipped past me with hospital stays and all?!
So December 12th was his first taste. A day he was so irritable I was willing to try anything to calm him down. It was the FIRST time he WAS EVER irritable. I took that day personally, Thinking I missed something in my absence the week leading up to that day in the hospital. I was sure it was hunger or a new phase of some sort I missed the clues for. So I rushed over to Jewel for rice cereal. I was ticked off to discover they no longer carried Happy Bellies probiotic cereals. I resorted to Gerber DHA probiotic. He seemed to enjoy it!

But the next day when he spiked a fever of 102 I was relieved in a mommy guilty kinda way that it was his virus and not my lack of mommyhood that made him so upset. So we took a break from cereal and he lived on pedialyte and some milk bottles the next two weeks. I was so hesitant to put him back on a normal sort of diet while I was in and out of the hospital w G. His next yummies were not until Dec 23. But when I saw Belmonte for Cadens checkup I asked if he wanted me to take it slow with the solids. Pace it out with cereal for a bit and then introduce the fruits n veggies? He said just go for it all! Caden was def ready with that muscle control of his. He was ready weeks ago but he understood my other priorities at hand. We were to take Caden's lead. And I did!
Within days of Dec 23 we found him building up the need for 3 meals a day! Whole containers.T n G never caught up to that rate so quickly. He is a porker! So far he has enjoyed the likes of carrots, green beans, peas, home-made sweet potatoes, blackberry apples, peaches, and apples. I have been waiting about 2 days before introducing a new food (and to think w T I was such a wreck I waited a whole week AND as my mom recalled I either made it all from scratch or used Earths Best for T n G and here I am w SOOOOO much time on my hands going primarily to the jarred stuff!) Regardless, he is loving it all up and is too cute chowing down.

THEN.......
Yesterday was family haircut day (Mommy, Daddy and Triston needed one before returning to school and work, and Grayson had a bunch grow back in this last phase and it was looking really patchy and uneven). It was also determined Caden was in dire need. It was to the point I was brushing his hair out his eyes to see that beautiful face. AC could not have been more excited to get her hands on him!! I called it her New Year present.

BEFORE (Dec 29th)
Look at those sideburns!

DURING....

AFTER (Dec 30th)
What 5 mos old gets his first haircut at such a young age?! MINE!
Triston was 11 mos. Grayson 6 mos. Caden and AC (our adopted Grandma) and ONLY hairstylist bc she is that good! Our boys sit so well for her.

He looks like such a big boy now. It's as if we added mos onto his tiny life. The baby face is gone and the chubby cheeks are revealed. I love it. He was such a good boy sitting on my lap, staring at himself in the mirror-laughing and smiling away. The happy baby I know and love.

Grayson finished with his and sitting in my lap for mine.

Caden's haircut made me realize how fast time has flown, especially these last 6 mos. One minute I am prepping for his birth and nesting all around the house, the next pushing him out and next coming home to different times. All the while keeping track of the little guy's milestones. By 2 mos he was rolling over and holding himself up high like a 4 mos old. At 4-5 weeks he was sleeping through the night. Then before I knew it we were moving up to 6 oz bottles and sleeping on his belly ( November). And now solids. Sometimes I wish I could hit the pause button. And other days I search for the rewind button.

2010

As I searched for Christmas gifts for my hubby I found myself gravitating toward our year, our life, our memories. 2010 being an unforgettable one. I recalled last year's gift of a Willow Tree figurine titled Brothers. So fitting to the amazing friendship and bro-hood we watched unfold between T and G in 2009. G continues to look up to his big bro now more than ever it seems. I hit up Amazon for ideas. 6 figures later I could not turn back. Each one got me where it hurts. I needed them. And thus I followed that pull/need my mind and emotions were craving anytime any other gift came to me no matter who it was for. Something about symbolism, poetry and truth that I was unveiling inside myself, for myself. It was therapeutic in a way.

And so as Christmas ended and I looked over the photographs of the moments I just had to have and share I realized something. Through all those items I had portrayed the ups and downs of 2010. The first 6 mos, BC (before cancer), and the final 6 mos, Rollercoaster. Ever since I displayed those items, I find myself visiting them for a therapy break. Images of glee, graciousness, fear and pain all on a single shelf.

Here is my 2010 all summed up:

OUR FOREVER HAPPY PLACE

At different points in the year, since this March trip, each one of us Carpers (all the way down to lil G) has revealed this is our happy place. The excitement in T's voice when he recalls specific moments, G's face when he sees a Mickey Mouse or image of the castle in the beginning of a Disney movie is adorable.

And to be honest when I take a quickie filmstip version of memories for 2010 in my mind the main events are Disney, Caden, July 31st and weeks of chemo and "firsts" for Caden. Everything else is a blur.

We mentally place ourselves in front of that amazing castle at any given time, to escape. I will never forget this trip. It was such a happier time in our lives. When cancer was just a term given to those we knew, loved and prayed for and NOT our own child.

Hungry?

My 3 boys. Found these ornaments online-PERFECT! T has been fascinated with their nicknames this year and even comes up with silly ones for me. His latest-Egg. He truly is fond of the nicknames and how they came about. I told him eggrolls were inside the chinese take out container bc I just couldn't find an eggroll ornament. But once I stumbled upon the rice I kept going. 2010 was the completion of my Perfect Asian FISH combo- MY EGGROLL, SUSHI AND RICE.

"FRAGILE"

Triston received this as a gift from Grampa. He adores it. His "fragile dinosaur" is too amazing to place in his room and rests on our buffet "so everyone can see it". I saw this change in his play interests, things that are important to him. He respected the fragility of items and how he prioritized them in his life. The mature meaning behind the giver of the gift. My 5 yr old cherished those feelings and felt they deserved their own special place. What a wise mind. The infamous "fragile dinosaur" means alot to me, too. Without a dubt it reminds me of my dad and all the daddy objects I received growing up. Each with symbolism attached to it. But this dino reminds me of how fragile life is. How fragile moments can be. How quickly they are crushed. Unrecoverable. Unable to be mended? And yet, somehow a handful of moments drive us elsewhere...and often we don't even know where we are off to until we arrive there.

FATHER AND SON

Charito has always been close with his boys but this year marked a transformation between he and Triston. Triston's age, natural progression of maturity and big boy interests brought on so much change in the aspect of role model. He looked up to his daddy for so much more this year and Charito took it on so wonderfully. The bond grew even tighter the last few mos. of the year. They depended on each other when I was not around. Who could ask for a better daddy?

MOTHER AND SON

To Triston for Christmas from Mommy. He has been into delicate and "fragile" collectibles recently and I knew he would love this. He immediately commented it was he and I. My big boy, my first baby, first mama's boy. I just can't believe he is 5 years old. I want to hold him in that protective pose forever. I can't help but feel he will need the protection and encouragement the most of our three.

TENDERNESS

My eyes were glued to the moppet of hair on that precious child's head. It reminded me of all my boys. AND I hold them and nuzzle our noses or foreheads together just like that. That mommy-son moment of silence and love that rushes through every inch of my body when I need it most. I grab as many of these kind of nuzzles as often as I can in one day.

OUR GIFT

And who could forget the addition of our littlest Carper, Caden. I merely hold him in my arms and he instantly melts so much burden away. He is so peaceful and perfect. His arrival quickened the dreaded day, but for good reason. He IS Grayson's guardian angel and I truly believe he will be his calming peace as he grows older. G will need it.

THE CARPER CIRCUS IS IN TOWN

( and who knows when it's leaving!)

I have joked with Charito for mos now how our day to day feels like a 3 ring circus. Never knowing which ring to turn your eyes upon bc each one is so engaging and unpredictable. A scatterbrained attention span for any age. Both visually and auditory stimulating, yet overwhelming. Some enjoyable feats and others not so much. A real life circus. Santa chose these ornaments for daddy (the ringmaster) the CIRCUS sign, Triston (the boy who is gonna take it all in from ringside and above) Big Top pic frame, Grayson the Clown (dah), and Caden the Elephant (who is too cute to ignore). Seemed oh so fitting.

ANGEL OF HOPE

Each day, hope anew
A word I have whispered very often lately

When I read the description for this figurine I was taken back by its match to my initial reaction of it's beauty. A flicker of hope from a candle carrying so much weight within. And depending on your day, the height and brightness of that flame adjusts.

COURAGE

Bringing a triumphant spirit, inspiration and courage together

As soon as I saw this one I thought of G. Whenever he does something, any little task or mini mountain (in his world) he shrieks, "I did it! I did it!" And he will continue to do it...

that IS what 2011 holds for us. WE WILL CONTINUE TO DO IT!

Team Christmas...and so much more

So much went on in such a short amount of time. G and I made it home the day before Christmas Eve. So many things I was in a hurry to do-see my parents, sleep in my own bed, wrap presents n prep for Santa, laundry, see my boys. It was a flutter of events and all a blur now to be honest...but oh worth every minute. I love my family and wish I could have spent more time with them but those things are difficult to do w G. He truly needed his rest and we needed to read those signs.

Some of the memories that stick out in my mind:

Grandma got her cuddles in with the little man. She was amazed at how fast he grew.

Caden and Grandpa really bonded during his first week of life (and our hospital stay during diagnosis week. This happens to be the last time I saw my parents). It was cute to see them reunited.

Christmas eve at r place with the Lulas and Lola

Caden's stocking. I chose this one bc I wanted him to know he has 2 amazing brothers to rely on for years to come.


G was not himself when he woke. Charito and I were convinced we needed to return to the hospital. He was so quiet and tired and not nearly as excited as we thought he would be. He lied in my lap for the first few gifts. We decided to just get thru the gifts for T's sake and then call the drs. Then all of a sudden he threw up. THAT was it! He was obviously nauseous bc after that he was his usual goofy self.
His Mickey Mouse Train

For our MCDS FAN-his own setup. He loves this thing and is constantly ordering up for us.

So mesmerized by it all.

He loves this Thomas laptop, too.

T is so good about not spreading his germs

Christmas day in Roselle
Christmas morning.THE gift. The one thing he asked the Santa at Lunch with Santa and every other Santa after that-"a fragile dinosaur". I was stunned. He adored that one from Grandpa so much he wanted another. I encountered my first Parent Freak Out Xmas Moment! Just as my mother had the year I NEEDED to have a Cabbage Patch doll, or any other hot item that no parent can guarantee to grab their hands on before the big day. Well, that one from Grandpa came from Branson, Missouri. Yup, not traveling there anytime soon! I called my parents in a panic and asked if there was a way to get one shipped to us. If they even recalled the name of the shop. The only reason they encountered the place was bc they attended a flea market in St Louis. Complicated. They made some phone calls and reached success. I big relief for me.

This kid, I tell you. I dont know how many times we had to pause the unwrapping process so he could finish the next book he dove into. My little scholar!

G got undies and just had to put them on right away!

After G threw up xmas morning this was the breakfast he requested! One of his favs M&Ms

Our tree with the boys' gift donations from T's school. All labeled FROM SANTA. We received two bins full. They ranged from toys to clothes to books. It was unbelievable how generous people were. It really took the load off of Charito and I. We had no time to shop. I made it out one time w Najette weeks before xmas and shopped like mad bc I thought it would be the ONLY time I would be out.

Then Santa came and those gifts were added....

G has really been into his play kitchen the past 2 mos so I picked this one up for him. T has joined him in the kitchen for full on Iron Chef battles. I picked up the wedding cake for T. The past few mos he has been telling me he wants to marry me. When he first opened it he said it was kinda girlie. I can agree with that. But he has never cared for that sort of issue before. This is the kid who likes fairies and princesses. He does not discriminate and is fair to all imaginary beings. But since that comment I cant tell you how often he has said he loves his wedding cake. I am served up a slice daily. He says it reminds him of Ace of Cakes. I love my lil Food Network fan.

For T my geography buff

T's microscope, for my science guy. He also received a volcano kit, science kits, a magic set and tons of books.

Caden received alot of teether and rattle type toys. He loves them.

One of my fav school decors. They even had the priest and deacon visit the classroom in their garb to discuss their roles in school and church. He made this on St Nicholas day (the first time I ever celebrated that occasion)

I bought this w the intention to FINALLY take T to the see it live but G's events made that pretty impossible. I promise next year. But he was excited to get it and has adored the story since we watched it on tv at 1 yrs old. I will never forget the awe in his eyes.

Triston's letter to Santa

Dear Santa

I love you

How was your travel?

and a drawing of a fragile dinsosaur peeking out of an egg ("To remind him")

Grayson's letter to Santa

It meant so much to me that I was given that chance to be home and have our real xmas on its actual day. I would have dealt w it had it not but it was wonderful having it as we have known it to be. Charito and I spent the wee hours of the eve wrapping like our procrastinator selves. Our usual mommy-daddy routine. Teamwork. Teamwork from so many angles. The nurses who pushed the process to get us home in time. G's bone marrow , neutrophils, and digestive tract doing their job to eliminate that methotrexate in a timely manner. T's school staff and parish who helped make this a Christmas to remember. The hearts, thoughts and prayers that we all felt along the way. It truly was a Christmas...that meant so much more.