The faces.....

I LOVE!

Kinda reminds me of that oldie,

The Faces of Eve,

Our life is that kinda crazy sometimes

And now with 6 days of work under my belt---these are the faces I cannot wait to come home to. There are times during the day that my body actually aches to see them. I have to focus on some "troublemaker" student to bring me back to reality. I pray w/ gratitude every night for the good days my boys have had since my return to work. We have had so many different babysitters thru the weeks, adding to the drama, and they have done well. I am so unbelievably grateful for the great days G has had. His good mood continues and even better-an awesome appetite (and this week he has been off the steroids). I dare not mention what could have gone wrong! I love my boys. I can't believe they have put up w/ me.

Guiltily ( is that even a word? I dont care- I have admitted before I tend to make up words! I even texted Charito one day about the spelling of a word and his response was, "If it's a Sara word does it even matter?!" I guess not!) I have to admit it has not been the most exciting past two weeks. I haven't been the most exciting mom.I dont like the mom I have been the past few weeks. I am exhausted. I awaited that first day when I would feel my head spinning. The award went to YESTERDAY. I just cant hold it all together. I know I have my cheerleading support team at work reminding me I dont have to get it all in or perfected NOW, but I cant help it. I hate being this disorganized. I thought my mind was a million places before-what a joke! I hate the way I feel. Stuck. Like we are going nowhere, stagnant. Moldy, mucky water.

There is so little time in my work day that I am gonna have to bring work home. I hate it. I have every second devoted to some kid or adult that the paperwork aspect or class prep tasks dont get done. And atop that I am still trying LEARN the kids. All in a few two more weeks before I have to write up 2 different report cards and whatever else is expected of me that I dont even know of bc I havent even opened up an email. I am drowning in every part of my life right now. The house is a MESS. Work is well. sux. Even though I am surrounded by so many amazing people I still find myself alone. I know I do it to myself but even tougher to get out of once I am there.

So, today when I came home, and after I got the lowdown from the babysitter and knew my boys were aok I took pics. I had to see my boys. From every angle. Surround myself with them. Old pics and new pics and more to come. I needed their faces. My go to immediate fix. Even though I wasnt the best mommy just now at bedtime. I yelled and screamed and cried to myself. I HATE bedtime at this house now. But I love my yelled-at-boys (even Caden gotta talking to bc he was too focused on silly-not-listening T to drink his bottle!).

Maybe tomro I will need the same fix. That or more food. Don't even get me started on my POOR out of control diet! Pop, pop n more pop.